My Secret Hobby

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

This... This tape... It will never be shown to anyone, correct? Good... Good...

Hello, I- I am the Healer. I- I bear a tragic secret. My... My hobby... My hobby is my problem. You see... I enjoy Mushrooms.

I am absolutely mad about them. I- I steal them from the Mushroom Girl. I pay people for mushrooms when they come to me, instead of them paying me to cure them... It has put me in a poor state.

It all started when I was little. I always wanted to be a doctor. I lived in the Deep Darkness. There were plenty of mushrooms... I disected them. I knew everything about them; there wasn't much else to do there. That's why I wanted to be a doctor. I found them fascinating, mushrooms...

Well, in College, I told the Eagleland Science and Technology founders, the doctors of Onett and Fourside, and even the great Dr. Andonuts to an assembly I held. It was about an important breakthrough in science and health.

Everything went wrong.

My project was about mushrooms and how they contributed to our world... It seemed that my theory that mushrooms are actually alien pods and that the goo inside could cure cancer and maybe even lung disease was hilarious to them. I was crushed; even Dr. Andonuts was laughing his head off.

I dropped out of college the next day.

I never got my degree, so I became a second-rate Healer. I was still hooked on mushrooms... Nothing could stop me from obssesing over them.

One day while leaving the Twoson Hospital I saw her: the Mushroom Girl. She was picking mushrooms happily in by a small cluster. I looked over her shoulder and saw a sort of mushroom I've never seen before: the Blue-Blue Mushroom. They were not blue at all. I'm surprised that is what they were called. It was amazing... They even jiggled! I waited until nightfall... She was still there. Once she left for home, I came out from behind a big rock and started plucking the mushrooms... Once I got to my small shack in Onett, I was gowing with happiness.

I had devoted my life (besides the small amount of time I put into being a Healer) to finding out how mushrooms could help. True, they didn't cure cancer or lung disease, but they still had some cool things they could do.

Yes, the Blue-Blue mushrooms were poisonous, but luckily, not poisonous enough to stop my bloodflow.

Just poisonous enough to stop my heart.

I found out that the Mushy mushrooms helped heal cuts faster, the SHROOMs were brain food, and that eating Rancid mushrooms was almost as bad as eating Blue-Blue mushrooms.

My discoveries were shown to those that should know, but I was not credited. I didn't care. I just wanted to live peacefully with my mushrooms.

Dr. Andonuts was even surprised by my discoveries. I was happy.

I still never got my degree, but they did start a newsubject in College: Mushroom Studies.

I hope that mushrooms will cure anything iff used properly.

I'm done... Now, you will burn this and not give it to some passerby outside the Sharks' place? Good.

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