I hate throwing labels at you people, but you so-called heroes of justice
really have a twisted view of the concept. If you want to be a hero, win the Tour
De France, sign a football with a permanent marker, cure cancer, or have a
good game of Tetris. Do not, and I repeat, do not think that chasing down my
fellow Master Criminal Worms somehow makes you a good hero. We live all the way
here in Scaraba, and because of the Chosen Four, we've been getting mocked and
horribly beaten worse than the Tenda tribes were so long ago.
Oh, I remember 199X. Ness and his ragtag band of friends come down here,
rough up a Kraken, and as a quick, cheap experience gainer, they take out a few
innocent worms. Scaraba, a land once infested with those zany Great Crested
Bookas, Dread Skelpions, two breeds of UFOs, and guys like me are being targeted?
You Chosen Four members should be ashamed of yourselves. Get this gang, we
always run away when we see people, and we don't even fight if you catch
us from behind. And when we do defend ourselves with our excellent fire
attacking skills, you spazz out because we have such a superior offense.
Always want to play, but never want to lose, huh? Our brothers in Dusty Dunes
Desert have suffered the same fate, though. How can you sit there with your
lucrative, post-saving EarthBound deals when you know that you had to butcher
innocent, peaceful worm monsters just for a little time-saving? What kind of heroes
butcher the innocent in the name of convenience?
You know, fur-crazed Canadians have been treating cute seals the same way.
What you and your Canland companions don't understand is that it is us
being more humane and retaining the qualities of actual heroes. The Scrabian
Desert is a dangerous place. Not only are we ingredients in Molokheiya soup, but
we've got boisterous baddies running around, and it goes without saying that
it is hot. Major Psychic Psychos and Ghosts of Starmen are nearly
extinct these days because they carry rare items, but you hunt me down for
EXPerience. Let's look at that.
The bulk of my species is more experienced than most other people or animals
you face on your journey. So what? Have you no ethics? What you do is
equivalent to going to a senior citizens' center with the sole intent of tenderizing
the elderly with a nearby baseball bat. I suppose tossing them in a big vat of
soup would also apply in my case, but get serious, folks. You want to
something to save? Adopt a family of semi-literate Master Criminal Worms, and let us
teach you a thing or two, mister. If you want to level up, learn how to love
it up. Oh, and stop eating gummi worms. We hate that.