The Hows and Whats of Being Dead
by

Jim
Monday, July 28, 2003

So it looks like the immortal Everdred finally bit the dust. I had to find out about it on the 10 PM news. I was watching some cop movie then there they were, talking about me being dead on the news. I wasn’t even the headline story, I was thrown in the middle between the weather and a movie review. So I smacked myself in the face, pinched myself and dropped a mug of freshly brewed coffee on my crotch. I didn’t feel anything after that. That usually doesn’t happen to the living.

So I was dead, with some pretty good confirmation. I paced around my room for a while and decided I had to get some details about my death. They only said when I died on the news. They didn’t even say where. I went outside and looked for someone who might have known how I died. I decided to try the bread guy. I called to him a few times, right in front of him and tried poking him. My hand went right through him. That was weird, I was able to touch his bread but not him. I saw a mirror in the corner of my eye, which reflected the bread but not me. Oh, great. So it looked like I couldn’t talk to the living.

As I leaned against the bread guy’s table, the table collapsed, but I saved the bread. I felt sorry for him, but at least this gave me a start. He started complaining about how nothing in Burglin Park was right without me. He even said that he should have taken me back home once he bumped into me in Onett. The guy selling eggs next to him asked why they were in Onett. The bread guy was just talking to his friend in the Onett bakery and I was there to see Ness. I headed off to Onett and had to walk the entire way. I floated, but it’s the same as walking and might even take longer. You’d think the ghostly powers would have been more convenient but they weren’t doing me much good now.

Once I got to Ness’s place, I was dropping hints left and right. I opened up photo albums, switched the TV to “Judge Dredd” and poked the dog with a fork until he barked my name out in Morse code. Nothing worked. I tried writing out “EVERDRED” on his foggy bathroom mirror while he was showering, but he dried off and got dressed so quickly he didn’t notice. I had to board his doors shut while he was sleeping to get his attention. Once he noticed he was stuck, he just jumped out the window. But it still got him thinking and his mom was the one who said it might have been a ghost. He said, “Whose ghost could be looking for me? Everdred’s?”

That’s when I threw his bowl of cereal in the air since it was the only way I could think of to say yes. He just poured himself a new bowl but his mom asked, “What do you want, Everdred?” Ness was eating and flipping through the channels to see what was on TV. “Do you want some kind of vengeance? Are you hungry?” I was neither of those, I just wanted to know how I died. “Mom, Everdred isn’t hungry. I gave him a pop tart the last time he was here. And he doesn’t want vengeance on me, he died two days after the last time he was here. I think he said he was headed off to Threed.” I walked out and headed off to Threed. It was going to be a long trip but I was lucky enough to sneak onto a bus.

Now, I don’t know about you but Threed always seemed like a boring place to me. So if I was anywhere, it would have been the hotel since I never knew anyone from that area. The hotel was my first stop and sure enough, my name was still in their books. My room looked like it was freshly cleaned out but the window was smashed open. It looked like someone sped off in the middle of the night, taking me in their car. The driver didn’t look very good since he knocked a few things down. The mess only led to one direction, east, Fourside.

Once the bus I snuck onto arrived in Fourside, the first thing that jumped out at me was a big, taped off crime scene in Jackie’s alley. And sure enough, the chalk drawings on the pavement seemed to fit me. It was then that I realized that there are certain things that you just aren’t meant to find out. I could have gone further, but what good would it do me? I was dead, there were more important questions than “How did I get here?” Questions like why was I brought back as a ghost? I guess because I had unfinished business. All I could think about was the bread guy talking about how the park was since I left. Dying wasn’t the end of things for me, it was a new start. All my life I’ve been more of the bad guy, the sneaky thug that bit you in the arm and took your wallet. But I can be a good guy and now that being bad and all the thievery wouldn’t do me any good, there’s no better time.
 



 
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