Monday, September 8, 2003
9:00 AM - Hey dudes, Captain Chill is in the
11:20 AM - Thugs beat up. I think they were thugs.
11:54 AM - Gang-related violence reported in museum.
12:23 PM - Man taken in for disturbing the peace in
the restaurant. He was complaining that they wouldn’t
make him a steak.
1:55 PM - Stolen book - “Stealing for Dummies”. No
2:34 PM - Mayor’s toupee stolen. Suspects apprehended.
2:40 PM - Fight reported at local shop. Fight broken
4:26 PM - Boat reported stolen. Not a good boat
either, I don’t know why anyone would steal that.
6:45 PM - Carjacking outside the museum. Sucks to be
you, I guess.
10:12 PM - Something happened, but I was sleeping. I
think my guys took care of it.
Tuesday, September 9, 2003
9:00 AM - All men in Summers arrested for failure to
comply with “No Straight Ties Day”. No further crimes
reported because nobody could report them. Not even
me, oh no!
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
11:40 AM - Zombie uprising at beach. Temporary beach
closing until new lifeguards could be hired.
12:30 PM - Carjacking in progress, suspects
12:46 PM - Suspect drives through port-a-potty, hits
building after. Suspect arrested.
12:47 PM - Man arrested for public urination. Claims
his port-a-potty was broken in half
Arrested for failure to put pants back on.
1:20 PM - Stolen pants found, public urination man
4:30 PM - Boat reported stolen. Nearby man claims the
boat was sucked up by the Kraken.
6:30 PM - Mike Tyson, Oscar De La Hoya get into fight
at local shop. Local store owners, police officers had
nothing to do with it. Really. Oscar won, by the way.
Thursday, September 11, 2003
9:00 AM - Hey dudes, Captain Chill is going
undercover. That’s all for this week, see you later.