The Olympics
by

The Great Garlic
Wednesday, December 21, 2005

First Flying Man: Hello folks, we are glad that you could join us today in the first annual Tenda-Saturn Olympics. Iím your commentator, Ronald, and Marvin will do the color-commentary for you. How are you, Marvin?

Marvin: Good, but Iím worried a little. Thanks Bob.

Ronald: My name is Roland, Marvin. And why are you worried? Weíre not competing.

Marvin: Yeah, I kind of got a *cough* wager *cough* nasty cold.

Ronald: Geez, that cough was harsh. It sounded like you were digging for something in your chest. Well, donít die now because the spectacles are about to begin. Weíll be starting with the shot-put.

Marvin: This first competitor is one of my favorites. This is Mordecai Saturn. He has my pick to take it all in spite of never entering this event before.

Ronald: Umm, why do you take such an interest in him winning? The Saturns donít even have hands.

Marvin: *Hack* my bet *hack* I like his bow. Itís a nice shade of red.

Ronald: You should go to Dr. Saturn about that. Here we go, letís see how Mordecai can handle this.

-dead silent pause-

O my goodness! He just shot that thing twenty meters. Folks, youíll never understand this, but Mordecai just launched that shot-put twenty meters by shooting it out of his nose. That was quite a feat.

Marvin (pumping fist): Yes, I win. *cough* haha *cough*.

Ronald: That will be tough to beat, but here comes Steroids Tenda.

Marvin: This Tenda is obviously abusing performance enhancing drugs; no doubt in my mind.

Ronald: Well, letís not going spewing waste. You donít speak Tenda, do you? Steroids is actually their word for cheese. Anyway, he has begun spinning vigorously, and it is out.

-short pause with applause-

The distance Iím getting is twenty meters and four centimeters. Folks, that just beats the Saurnís toss, umm shoot, but it gets the Tendas the win in any way.

Marvin: *cough* crud *cough*.

Ronald: Next is the fifty meter dash. The Saturn that is definitely running is a practiced sprinter holding the world record of two point nine three seconds. He is Bunny Saturn, right?

Marvin: Yes, Ronald, and he also has the largest feet among the Saturns. However, I didnít *cough* bet on him *cough* catch him as the victor today. Todayís will be Maurice. *cough* best payout *cough* He definitely got it.

Ronald: Here they go; oddly, only two entered. Is this a Tenda-Saturn thing? I believe so. Bunny is in the lead, and ouch. Maurice just slipped and tripped on that hump in the road. He bumped that hump bad.

Marvin: *cough* dang, again *cough*.

Ronald: And Bunny has taken it. Next, is a fairly odd competition. It is the meat guessing game. Each one is given a whiff of a piece of meat and they have to guess what kind it is.

Marvin: I just *cough* bet on *cough* like Nosy Saturn Ďcause he has a big nose. Oscar-Meyer Tenda stands no chance.

Ronald: Here it goes. The first one is bologna. Tension is building as the two sniff ferociously. Both have got it. Why were you holding your breath Marvin.

Marvin: No reason, except *cough* my bets *cough* the tension could cut cheese.

Ronald: Well its building again as they begin to sniff German blood sausage. O, and Nosy just misguessed it. Oscar-Meyer is pondering, or building suspense.

-long silence-

Yes, he has done it folks. Oscar-Meyer guessed it just right. That means the Tendas have won.

Marvin: Wow *cough* I lost all my bets *cough*! That was something.

Ronald: Marvin, go to Dr. Saturn. The rest of you, stay healthy and see yíall next year at the Saturn-Tenda Olympics.
 



 
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