Gold Rush
by

The Great Garlic
Wednesday, December 21, 2005

It was a invigorating spring morning; the clouds, puffy and white, strolled across the sky, especially from my view which was right through a hole in the roof of my father’s lab. The best thing about that morning was that I finally began my research with my father, whom you may know as Dr. Andonuts.

He sat in front of the television sipping away at his tea watching the news, all of which seem quite out of turn of him to me. He said he was going to “try new things,” but when he said new things I thought he would work on something like the genome of various animals, which stood aloof from his usual study of physics with heavy implication of technology and computers. This was only the beginning of a very strange day for me.

All in a sudden he jumped out of his chair and yelled, “Eureka,” and he also succeeded in spilling his tea all over his new lab coat, which, when he noticed, upset him slightly, but he merely handed it to a robot to clean it and put on another one. Then, he ran over to his closet and, after much dust swarmed the room, pulled out a bright yellow shirt with a Hawaiian design. After tossing on a cowboy hat and strapping on his tennis shoes, he looked at me and said vigorously, “Come on, Jeff, We’re going to California! I just heard that there was gold in massive quantities procured there.” Bouncing and smiling at me like a small child, he seethed energy from his bright eyes, and I couldn’t turn him down.

After finding a jacket and a small amount of money, which he probably ignored, I went down stairs to see him with a pickaxe over his shoulder. “O-kay now, follow me into the Phase Distorter, Jeff, so that we may pursue a vein of the ethereal shining stuff as well.” When I got in he had just finished punching in the coordinates.

About five seconds later (such a long trip) we found ourselves in California. We, actually just father, came upon a large muscular man in a suit. Father inquired him, “I heard there was gold in the vast mountains. May I attempt to procure some for myself?”

The large man turned and replied, with a thick Austrian accent, “Waht, dere iz gold in dah hills? We will dig it togethah, yah? I’ll be back.” He ran off and came back with his own pickaxe and said, “I’m Aahnold” and something after that, but it was completely inaudible.

On our way to the mountains to dig the gold in, we ran into a little black man, who was bald and also had a security guard badge. He squeaked, “He now, where’s’y’all goin’ off ta?” Arnold cringed at the sound of his voice and stared at him then yelled with veins popping from his neck, “get out o’ here you leetle noosunce, you Gary Coleman.” “He now, you just insulted me wit’ my name. Watcha sayin’?” said Gary the little man. Arnold, his head having turned the color of a grape in rage, lifted Gary Coleman and, after spinning him, threw him into a window nearby, which was about fifty meters up and about two hundred meters away.

In the middle of the road Arnold sat to think. Then he leapt up and said, “I have an idea.” We followed him, and he pulled a phone poll out of the ground and placed us upon it. Before I could say anything, he threw it and jumped on it about ten seconds later.

Then I found myself on a phone poll sticking out the side of a mountain. We all climbed down to the nearest ledge, and they began digging. I told father I needed to go to the bathroom and went back up to the phone poll jutting out from the side of the mountain and proceeded to play my game boy.

After the sun laid down for nightly rest, father was still digging while Arnold was looking at a piece of wood that he “dug up.” Father took a glance at the sky and said, “Well, Arnold, I have failed in finding anything but nothing, and Jeff probably needs help, so I will be leaving now.” Arnold glanced back and yelled, “See ya next week. Maybe A’ll find moor gold.”

After convincing father I didn’t need help, we went to the top of the phone poll, where, somehow, the Phase Distorter had relocated itself. We went home after a three second trip, and, as usual, the Phase Distorter showed up soon after.

I then looked at the television screen and yelled to father in the kitchen, “Father, are you sure you were watching the news?”

“O, most definitely, just like I told you this morning,” he replied.

“Well, Father, it helps to get your news from a news station rather than the History Channel,” I said back.

“O, no wonder they were talking about a gold rush. Hey, the news also said that there’s going to be a trip to the center of the earth tomorrow. Want to come?” he said.

I didn’t reply; I just lumbered up to my room to go to sleep knowing already what tomorrow had in store.
 



 
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