Giovanni Monotoli Tells All

Death Spatula
Monday, August 15, 2005

A few days ago I sat down with Mr. Monotoli in the local bar to discuss his new book, in which he admits kidnapping a young girl. We had many questions for Monotoli and thankfully he answered most of them.

TMA: Hello Mr. Monotoli! How are you doing today?
GM: I am doing fine thank you.
TMA: We hear that you will soon be releasing somewhat of an autobiography.
GM: Yes, it is entitled Giovanni Monotoli: Info, Pictures, and More.
TMA: Very original title. Now, we hear that you are literally swimming in pools filled with $100 bills. Is this correct?
GM: You have learned well, my apprentice.
TMA: I'm not your apprentice. I only met you five minutes ago.
GM: Oh yeah.
TMA: Are you very generous with your money?
GM: Oh yes! Just the other day I gave $3 to the Save the Children fund. They told me that would feed 500 Ugandans for three weeks.
TMA: Very generous of you indeed. Now let me talk to you about your upcoming book. In it you admit to kidnapping a young girl. Who is this girl and what were your reasons?
GM: Well her name was Paula- I can't give the last name in order to keep her privacy. I have since learned my lesson. To your second question, no comment.
TMA: How exactly did you do it?
GM: Do what?
TMA: Kidnap the girl.
GM: What girl?
TMA: The one you kidnapped!
GM: You know, I heard this great joke last week. A Bishop, a fox, and a bear walk into a bar-

Mr. Monotoli proceeded to pass out and nearly die from alcohol poisening. He had to have his stomach pumped, but we have since learned that he is doing well.

- The Mayor's Assistant

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